The Monday Tirade

Why is it that men persist in sitting in office restroom stalls reading the paper? Do they think that they can make themselves at home on some recently warmed toilet seat and spend their leisure time while dropping it like its hot? I really don’t get it. It is one thing to spend 30 minutes at home doing it, but come on! Sometimes, I would like to post rules of office rest room etiquette in every stall, mirror & door. Here are a few that come to mind:

1) If you’ve got to go #2, get in and get out!
2) If you have to strain while going #2, eat more fiber because we are tired of hearing your grunts.
3) If you are going #2 and it smells like a used diaper filled with Indian food, how ‘bout a courtesy flush.
4) If you use the toilet or urinal, flush the d*mn thing--even if you have to use your foot!
5) Wash your hands!
6) For those dopes that don’t wash their hands, make sure you open the door with your recently used paper towels. Do you want to open the door handle with someone else’s creepy crawly germs on it?
7) No eye contact at the urinal!
8) No talking at the urinal! (If someone says “nice watch” while you are handling your business, you might have a problem- not that there is anything wrong with that!)

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only people who should use the restroom while I am working is… ME!

The rest of you boneheads should just go outside and take care of it like the filthy animals you are.